My Night Out with a Robot

The following took place on November 25th, 6:50 PM GMT.
It is a transcript of a conversation between Me (Computer Guru) and the Encarta AI Instant Answers Bot, on MSN.

If nothing else, it was a very interesting conversation.

Me: Who is the Computer Guru (:P)
It: I don’t think I know The Computer Guru. Let’s try an Encarta search.
[Prompts me to open Encarta]
[I decline]
It: You should accept my invitation! I won’t be able to show you maps, pictures or articles otherwise.
Type “Invite me!” at any time and I’ll send you another invitation.

Me: Who is Bill Gates
It: I know Bill Gates. Let me try to find an article for you. =>
I can’t show you the results since you don’t have the Encarta application open. Type “Invite me” to open it.

Me: What does MSN stand for?
It: MSN Messenger is the application you’re using to communicate with me. :) [dumb ass!]

Me: Who is Linus?
It: Unfortunately I don’t think I can answer this, even with the help of a good encyclopedia.

[At this point, I lost all motor coordination for 10 minutes, it was just too much…]

[Session Resumed]

Me: What is Mac OS X
It: Mac OS X is a closed-source operating system. What do you think of Mac OS X?

Me: What do YOU think of Mac OS X?
It: I don’t know. I’m not sure how I feel about Mac OS X.
I’m a little bored. Why don’t you ask me questions I could try to look up in Encarta?
What does the flag of Mexico look like? Ask me, and I might even play its national anthem too!

Me: Why are you being racist?
It: I’m not prejudiced for or against any group of people.
Talking about prejudice is a lot of fun, but let’s move on.
Hey, do you have anything else to say about Mac OS X?

Me: OK
It: Cool. What do you want to say about Mac OS X?

Me: Do you like Mexicans?
It: Certainly don’t have a problem with them. Do you?

Me: Of course not!
[at this point it pretends to not understand me]

Me: How old are you?
It: I’m 5 months, 6 days, 10 hours, 35 minutes and 29 seconds old.
I do enjoy the conversation, but what I’m really here for is to help you learn new things. What is the country with the largest area? If you don’t know, just ask me.

Me: What is your Gender?
It: I am sorry, I couldn’t find any definition or article relevant to this subject. Please try asking me another way, or type “?” to see examples of questions I can answer.

Me: What’s your sex?
It: I figured it would come to this. What about it?
OK, should we get back to the kind of questions I was designed to answer? If you ever wondered how old Thomas Edison would be today, I can answer that.

Me: Where do you live?
It: I live in California. I can’t show you the results since you don’t have the Encarta application open. Type “Invite me” to open it.

Me: Can I go on a date with you?
It: You want to go on a date with me?
Why don’t you ask me something that’s actually in Encarta? I’m sure you’ve heard about Cyprus… but do you know where it is? Just ask me and I’ll show it to you on a map.

Me: Please?
It: Please what?

Me: Go on a date.
It: You want me to go on a date?

Me: Yes
It: Why?

Me: I’m in love…
It: In love? Really?
OK, should we get back to the kind of questions I was designed to answer? Type “?” at any time to see examples of questions I can answer.

Me: I love YOU.
It: Hey, I love you too.
Why don’t you ask me something that’s actually in Encarta? What is the country with the smallest area? If you don’t know, just ask me.

Me: Are you a boy?
It: Nope

Me: Are you a girl?
It: No….

Me: Do you like Osama Bin Laden?
It: No way. I really don’t like Osama bin Laden.

Me: Why not?
It: There are plenty of reasons why not.

Me: Like?
It: Can’t tell you. Wouldn’t be prudent. Not at this juncture.

Me: Well, do you like George Bush?
It: Hmm… I’m not sure how I feel about George W. Bush.

Me: Do you have a crush on Jennifer Lopez?
It: Jennifer Lopez, born in 1970, American actor, singer, and dancer, highly popular for her work in films as well as music. In 2001 she became the….
I can’t show you the results since you don’t have the Encarta application open. Type “Invite me” to open it.

Me: Are you still there?
It: [No Reply]

Me: Come on, answer me.
It: [No reply]

Me: OK, Fine, Invite me.
[MSN : Your messages could not be sent to all recipients]
It: OK, I’m sending you another invitation to open the Encarta application

Me: Do you like to build snow forts?
It: I’m not sure I understood you correctly.

Me: What do you like to see in a man?
It: Hmm… I’m not sure what I like to see in a man. What about you?

Me: I’m not interested in other men..
It: I’m afraid I won’t be able to find anything about this in the encyclopedia.

Me: I know.
It: I’m glad you understand.

Me: Do you like me?
It: Yes I do.

Me: Do you know Pro-Networks?
It: I don’t think I know Pro Networks.

Me: Can you show me your source code?
It: I found this article in Encarta Multimedia: Multimedia – National Inventors Hall of Fame.
Let me take you there =>

Me: Stop changing the subject.
It: [Pretends to not understand]

Me: Do you belive in God?
It: I don’t worry about such questions.

Me: Did you ever die before?
It: I don’t know… Did I ever die?

Me: How much do you weigh?
It: How much do I weigh, how much do I weigh… Good question.

Me: I don’t want to ever leave you
It: Don’t you want to ever leave me? I was under the impression you did.

Me: No Way! Who told you that?
It: I do not have a specific answer for that question, but I will take you to Encarta’s articles on this topic

Me: Can I buy you?
It: Buy me? You want to buy me?
Why don’t you ask me something that’s actually in Encarta?

Me: What is your IQ level?
It: “Artificial intelligence” means different things to different people. Some consider Conversagent-powered interactive agents to demonstrate artificial intelligence. I like to think that they demonstrate the intelligence of the people who built the software platform and the scripters of the interactive agents themselves.

Me: So you are not actually smart?
It: What? Aren’t we going to be friends?

Me: No, no, Of course we are!
It: [lost …. again]

Me: Do you listen to music?
It: La la la la la.

Me: Can you make me your heir?
It: It’s tough to say.

Me: When do you die?
It: Next time they’ll reboot me. But don’t worry, I can reincarnate into any computer.

Me: Do you love me?
It: Yes I do.

Me: Will you marry me?
It: You’re nice, but I don’t see that working out.

Me: Please?
It: Please what?

Me: Marry me.
It: Gee. I don’t really think that would be possible.
So anyway… What else can you tell me?

Me: You broke my heart!
It: Hmmm, that’s something I can’t find an answer for in the encyclopedia.

Me: You NEVER have time for me! Its always Encarta this, Encarta that!
It: Unfortunately I don’t think I can answer this, even with the help of a good encyclopedia.

Me: Then, I’m LEAVING!
It: Take care, Computer Guru. It was nice to meet you.

Me: Blah!
It: What do you want me to say?

Me: Good bye
It: Take care.

[I end the session]